Check out this article from the Seattle Times reviewing a study done on the long term use of ADHD medication. The study shows that over the long terms (over 3 years) that children given ADHD medication were not any better than children not given medication. And that the kiddos on medication for 36 months were an inch shorter and 6 lbs lighter than children not on medication.

James Swanson, a co-author of the study said, “If you want something for tomorrow, medication is the best, but if you want something three years from now, it does not matter,” he said. “If you take medication long-term beyond three years, I don’t think there is any evidence that medication is better than no medication.”

I am not a huge fan of medications for children, but it some cases, it definitely is necessary. If a child can’t focus in school or control their impulsivity, and the grades and self-esteem is significantly suffering as a result, then medication might be the right choice to help get things back on track. But I do think the adults need to see that medication is not necessarily a long term solution for many kids, and get a plan in place to move off of it. I’ve seen may kids who were put on ADHD/ADD medication years ago, and haven’t been reevaluated to see if it is still nece

Here have included a list taken from Kathryn Kvol’s book, Redirecting Children’s Behavior, which breaks down appropriate tasks kids can do per age group. When possible, give detailed praise about what your child has done, or even while they are doing it. Everyone likes to be acknowledged. Also, please keep in mind that these are just guidelines – if your child is a bit on the immature side, they might need to be a bit older to do some of the tasks suggested, and of course safety is always most important.

18 months – 3 years old

Turn off lights while being carried
Carry in the newspaper or mail
Get own cereal of snack from kid-friendly containers
Wash tables and counters with damp sponge
Pick up toys and clothes
Put soiled or wet diaper in diaper pail [or help with diaper genie]
Wash vegetables, tear lettuce, stir
Help set the table
Feed and water pets
Help clean up after meals and play
Wake up sibling
Run simple errands around the house
Help put groceries away
Carry in light groceries
Help make beds
Put plastic dishes in the dishwasher
Make salads
Bring recyclables to the garage
Lead family in prayers/grace/gratitude statement
Put own clothes away
Take clothes out of dryer
Tell you when traffic light turns green
Clear dishes from table
Seal and stamp envelopes

More to come on:
4-6 years old
7-10 years old
11-15 years old
16-18 years old

A few guidelines – kids need to feel heard and validated before they can problem solve. Let them know you understand how upset they are that they had the ball first. They also can’t be super charged and agitated to problem solve – so asking the kids to take a breather before we talk about this is a good thing to do. Ask each child to express their point of view, reiterate what you hear back to the kids, and have them come up with a solution.

Sometimes it will be easier than others, and sometimes you may need to suggest a suitable solution, and sometimes maybe the toy does need to be removed for a while – and that is all great! It’s a learning process. But with a little practice, your kids will be doing it on their own without your help.

If your child continues to get in conflict with other children or seems angry frequently and is perhaps taking it out on the playground, then it might be a good idea to get some professional help. In my therapy practice in Seattle, I often role play with kids to help them work out scenarios. We also engage in play to process any underlying issues that may be contributing to the conflict. Also, it’s always a good idea for parents to look at their own style of arguing and mediation – it’s not fair to expect a child to do it easily if there is a great deal of conflict at home. www.thriving-child.com

The game was developed for kids to learn conflict resolution and to problem solve. It’s geared towards ages 5-7.

Being able to work through arguments and conflict is a critical skill, and it is a skill that is learned and needs to be taught. This game is a fun way for kids to think about conflict resolution. I think it could be especially great for some of the kiddos who don’t have such great social skills and feel much more at home with video games.

The article states, “New research shows that in a social network, happiness spreads among people up to three degrees removed from one another. That means when you feel happy, a friend of a friend of a friend has a slightly higher likelihood of feeling happy too.

The lesson is that taking control of your own happiness can positively affect others, says James Fowler, co-author of the study and professor of political science at the University of California in San Diego.”
Just one more thing that shows how your state of being affects those around you – even if they are not physically present.

I believe that some children (and adults) are designed to feel the emotions of everyone around them. They literally take in the energy of the emotions, and amplify it! They are true empaths! Your flipping out, wild child, is processing the emotions of the room.

So if you are in a bad mood, your child will feel it – and may get in a worse mood, or they may avoid you completely because you “feel” bad to them. Likewise, entering a room with a lot of people – and a lot of energy (positive or negative) – can be too much to handle for a child, so they may become dramatic, acting out the emotions they are feeling from the people around them – or they might hide under your skirt trying to avoid what they sense and feel.

The good part is that kids – and adults – who feel others emotions do not have to be victims, or be at the mercy of what they feel from others.

You can learn to feel the emotions (you’ll always feel them – it’s what you’re designed to do!) but not to act on them, or react to them. You can help children learn this too.

With children, I like to help them start to realize which emotions are theirs, and which are the emotions of the people around them. I will go for a walk with a kiddo – maybe to the park, or to Greenlake, or somewhere where we are sure to pass by others – and as we pass, I’ll ask some variation of: “what is that person feeling right now/What do you think they are feeling/What are they thinking about/Do you think they are happy/Do you think they are sad” etc.

They we might talk about – what do you do when you feel that way? or when was the last time you felt like that? We’ll talk about many people, adults, kids, even animals, emotions – the conversations will flow as they may.

Then (and this might be at another time, another place) after saying and talking about “what is that person feeling?” I’ll say, what are you feeling right now? and back and forth – what is that person feeling, what are you feeling? and it can go on from here –

I had an amazing chat with a kid who was telling me how angry someone felt – and he had a light bulb go off that even though it made him feel angry, he didn’t have to be mean (this was something we had been working on for a bit and was a big step!!!).

I was taught a saying: “be a screen and not a sponge”
That’s how it works for emotions of others. Let them flow through you, don’t soak them in.
Sometimes it’s easier said than done, and this definitely requires practice, but one of the greatest gifts a sensitive child or adult can learn, is that not all the feelings you feel, are yours.

This is straight from their philosophy statement on their website “We are an experiential wilderness learning camp that offers children opportunities to develop physical and social competence in an atmosphere that encourages and supports self-regulation and self-direction. We believe that every child wants to do well, and that every child has unique strengths, struggles, and outlooks on life. In order to help each camper reach their potential, we must meet them as individuals and not attempt to fit them into one mold.”

Talisman serves kids ages 8-17 with a variety of programs, and is based out of North Carolina. You can find out about their dates and rates here.

I have to say I don’t yet know anyone that has been to this camp, but I think it sounds amazing and just wanted to spread the word.

Taken from the book “The Social Skills Improvement System—Classwide Intervention Program” by Gresham & Elliott.

I think it’s important to remember that not all kids grasp these social skills as quickly or naturally as others. Some kids seem to just pick them up by observation, while some kids really need to be taught social skills, and be able to practice them and get feedback outside of the classroom setting.

Show this list to your school age child, talk about what each statement means, and do some role playing practicing the skills.  What does your child think about asking for help (and how do you ask for help – raising hands, etc)? How can your child stay calm with others? What does it mean to follow the steps – and what should your child do if they don’t understand the steps?