Seattle Child Therapy – Thriving Child Blog

hey moms – how you talk to your child is important for social skills later!!

A study in the UK following 57 families for 9 years, shows that the way mothers talk to their children at a young age influences their social skills later in childhood. The study found “found that children whose mothers often talked to them about people’s feelings, beliefs, wants and intentions developed better social understanding than children whose mothers did not.”

cnn article

I believe it is huge to help label children’s emotions and feelings at a young age. Frequently young children have big emotions and don’t have the vocabulary to articulate what is going on. Labeling the emotions you see, or the feelings your child might be feeling, is a great start to the tools of emotional regulation and empathy. When they’re older their be able to relate better to other kids, and to problem solve.

John Gottman’s book, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, goes into great depth about the need to relate to your child, validate their feelings, label the emotions, and convey you understand how they feel. I frequently refer parents of the children I see in therapy to read this book. Sometimes it is so easy as an adult or parent to see a child frustrated or crying, and to say “oh, you’re okay – let’s go play with this” – the intentions are good, to help distract the child – but it’s also a great opportunity to empathize with the child and label and validate what they are feeling – “oh, wow, you look really frustrated! I would be frustrated too if I broke my game!” Sounds pretty easy…and it is…if you are aware of it. But if you grew up with parents who were more dismissive “you’re okay” “stop crying,” then it might take a bit of work for you not to fall right into that when your child is hurt, and to instead use empathy.

Counselors, therapists, and parenting educators can help with this if you are struggling. Sometimes it helps to have this type of emotional coaching shown to you and demonstrated, especially if it’s not exactly natural to you.