Seattle Child Therapy – Thriving Child Blog

Your child’s not a drama queen…she just feels everything!

Do you dread going into a room full of people with your child, because you know your child is going to “flip out,” go wild, or bounce off the walls? Have you ever seen a child switch from happy and joyful, to cranky or crying in a split-second? Have you ever felt like “where is this coming from? this is not my kid”?

I believe that some children (and adults) are designed to feel the emotions of everyone around them. They literally take in the energy of the emotions, and amplify it! They are true empaths! Your flipping out, wild child, is processing the emotions of the room.

So if you are in a bad mood, your child will feel it – and may get in a worse mood, or they may avoid you completely because you “feel” bad to them. Likewise, entering a room with a lot of people – and a lot of energy (positive or negative) – can be too much to handle for a child, so they may become dramatic, acting out the emotions they are feeling from the people around them – or they might hide under your skirt trying to avoid what they sense and feel.

The good part is that kids – and adults – who feel others emotions do not have to be victims, or be at the mercy of what they feel from others.

You can learn to feel the emotions (you’ll always feel them – it’s what you’re designed to do!) but not to act on them, or react to them. You can help children learn this too.

With children, I like to help them start to realize which emotions are theirs, and which are the emotions of the people around them. I will go for a walk with a kiddo – maybe to the park, or to Greenlake, or somewhere where we are sure to pass by others – and as we pass, I’ll ask some variation of: “what is that person feeling right now/What do you think they are feeling/What are they thinking about/Do you think they are happy/Do you think they are sad” etc.

They we might talk about – what do you do when you feel that way? or when was the last time you felt like that? We’ll talk about many people, adults, kids, even animals, emotions – the conversations will flow as they may.

Then (and this might be at another time, another place) after saying and talking about “what is that person feeling?” I’ll say, what are you feeling right now? and back and forth – what is that person feeling, what are you feeling? and it can go on from here –

I had an amazing chat with a kid who was telling me how angry someone felt – and he had a light bulb go off that even though it made him feel angry, he didn’t have to be mean (this was something we had been working on for a bit and was a big step!!!).

I was taught a saying: “be a screen and not a sponge”
That’s how it works for emotions of others. Let them flow through you, don’t soak them in.
Sometimes it’s easier said than done, and this definitely requires practice, but one of the greatest gifts a sensitive child or adult can learn, is that not all the feelings you feel, are yours.