Seattle Child Therapy – Thriving Child Blog

The Case Against Time Out (article)

http://www.peterhaiman.com/articles/the-case-against-time-out.shtml

I think this article is very interesting and worth a read, though it is a bit long. I think often time-out is over used as a threat or consequence for every little misbehavior. This article helps to point out that it is helpful to look at why is the child misbehaving in the first place – what are they wanting and needing? and how can you help them to express what they need in constructive ways? and how can you help them feel that their needs are being met?

Although I do think sometimes kids need some time alone to pull their feelings together, I do not think it is fair to leave a child to fume about something, or to send them to their room when they are extremely upset or distraught. Children are still learning to regulate their emotions, meaning they need help calming down when they are very upset. Sending the child to their room when their emotions are out of whack does not help them, rather it can make them feel more out of control and un-valued. Help them calm down. Help them talk about what happened, how they feel. Once emotions are back on a even keel, you can then talk about problem solving – how to not have the issue happen again, etc. (there’s no point in trying to be logical or do problem solving when a child (or adult) is extremely worked up. it’s shown that IQ actually drops and logical thinking diminishes).

If a child is angry, it’s also okay to ask them – what do you need right now? Do you need time alone – because it is not okay that you are being mean to your sister. It’s okay that you are mad, but it’s not okay to be mean. Help the child to begin to articulate what they are mad or frustrated about…and then perhaps you can problem solve about it.

http://www.peterhaiman.com/articles/the-case-against-time-out.shtml