Seattle Child Therapy – Thriving Child Blog

Book Recommendation: Late Lost and Unprepared

I have been recommending the book: Late, Lost and Unprepared by Cooper-Kahn to many of the parents of my clients lately and thought it was time to at least do a blog post.

It’s a great book addressing executive function – how kids organize time and homework, plan out their day and to-do’s, figure out what is a priority or not, etc. All kiddos with ADD/ADHD have some sort of challenge with executive functioning, and this book does a great job of helping parents to help your kid. It provides very practical directions and responses for many situations, with the end goal of helping your child/teen be more self sufficient.

updates to website

I’ve made some recent changes to my website, including how forms are downloaded. I’m trying to help save paper and ink, by requiring you to print less paper. But, this means you’ll actually have to read the forms that I’ve made available on my website, including the notice of privacy practices and disclosure statement.

Please email me if you encounter any problems at robyn (at) thriving-child.com

wow it’s been awhile…an update

Gosh it has been awhile since I’ve posted! Things are super busy here at Thriving Child. I’m seeing tons of kids with increased anxiety and in general being more sensitive, taking things more personally, and being more fragile. I think part of it is a reflection of what is going on in our world today – between earthquakes and terrorism, the economy and foreclosures – there are stressful and ‘heavy’ conversations happening all around, which inevitably can have an effect on kids – especially those that are sensitive to begin with.

If your kiddo seems more on edge lately, make sure they aren’t watching and hearing too much of the news. Kids tend to listen to the news (even while they might be playing legos in the corner while you are watching CNN), but they don’t have the experience or skills to process the information they are hearing…and we all know the news can make things sound pretty bad sometimes. Kids want to know they are safe and that things are going to be okay, and the news doesn’t do a good job of getting this story across…so parents have to. Limiting what your child is hearing will also help to reduce anxiety.

Repeated stressful conversations about finances in the household might best be saved for after bedtime as well. Although it is great to hear parents disagree and come to resolution, finances are one area where children have no control over – but if they are frequently hearing parents argue about it – they will feel helpless and it can increase anxiety or acting out behavior as well.

Fostering Play vs Teaching Skill

This is an opinion article from cnn.com called “Want to get your kids into college, let them play” by Erika Christakis and Nicholas Christakis. I have to say I very much support their opinion that play is critical to the development of impulse control and emotional regulation in children. …and perhaps why play therapy can be so helpful and engaging for kids as well…

http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/12/29/christakis.play.children.learning/index.html

An excerpt:

“Programs centered around constructive, teacher-moderated play are very effective. For instance, one randomized, controlled trial had 4- and 5-year-olds engage in make-believe play with adults and found substantial and durable gains in the ability of children to show self-control and to delay gratification. Countless other studies support the association between dramatic play and self-regulation.

Through play, children learn to take turns, delay gratification, negotiate conflicts, solve problems, share goals, acquire flexibility, and live with disappointment. By allowing children to imagine walking in another person’s shoes, imaginative play also seeds the development of empathy, a key ingredient for intellectual and social-emotional success.”

210 things to do instead of cutting

A client of mine recommended this list, and I agree, I think it’s pretty great. To cut, or not cut, is a choice – and it can take effort to choose something else. Pick two or three things that resonate with you, and commit to trying them next time you have the urge to cut.

http://www.secrettalk.com/secrets/210-things-to-do-instead-of-cutting/14316931/

problem free families do not exist

I received this quote in an email newsletter this morning from Neale Donald Walsch. Thought it was worth posting here.

“…all families have troubles in them. Problem-free families do not exist. Indeed, the challenges in families are family’s greatest gifts.”

study habits – NY times article

check out this very interesting article about what we know and don’t know about studying. seems a lot of what we thought was “good” for studying, isn’t necessarily true.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/07/health/views/07mind.html

texting teens + drugs/alcohol = clueless adults

Mind boggling, I’d say that is the right word to describe how I felt when I read this article on cnn about the coding teens use while texting about drugs and alcohol. It is honestly mind boggling the amount of code that is out there they teens are using to cover their tracks while communicating.

In my therapy practice here in Seattle, I have pretty open and honest conversations about teens and what they are texting and they teach me some pretty interesting stuff. But, in therapy, we are talking about texting – I’m not usually seeing their actual texts, and this article got me wondering if parents are actually looking at the texts their kids are sending or receiving. Personally, I didn’t realize that the entire paragraph could be encoded. Sure, I use a short cut or two in my own texting, but teens are using pretty obscure texts especially in the realm of sex, drugs, and alcohol. Just the stuff they don’t want parents to find out about. Check out this link to see just how in the dark you might be.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/08/26/kids.drugs.text/index.html

If you do check your teen’s phone, I would also be suspicious of no texts at all. I tend to feel like, if they are deleting texts, they are doing it for a reason.

Hypnosis for teens

I have been incorporating elements from hypnosis into some of my work with teens, with really fantastic results. I know some people freak out at the word hypnosis, but really it’s a process of being in a very relaxed state. You are still aware and know everything that is going on around you, and can have a conversation, but my experience lately with teens is that their defenses are lowered, they don’t feel like they are supposed to give a “right” answer, and we seem to get deeper into the meat of what is going on in their life. Teens report enjoying the sessions and seem more able to talk about some tough tough issues. In typical counseling sessions, I think sometimes teens can feel like things get too intense (ie looking and talking directly to the therapist) and put on the breaks. In a hypnosis session they have their eyes closed, and seem to go wherever their mind takes them to bring up what needs to be brought it.

I’ve seen it work extremely well for teens dealing with grief and loss, and for those struggling with feeling like they can’t talk to their parents or another key figure in their life. I am really enjoying this new element to my work and am excited to share it with current and new clients.

Book Recommendation: NutureShock

One of the best, most interesting books I have read in awhile is NurtureShock by Bronson and Merryman. Each chapter pulls together research to discuss a variety of topics including: the impact of praise, the loss of an hour of sleep, why kids lie, intelligence testing in kindergartners, and more.

It is an easy read, and fascinating. I have been telling every parent I meet with to read at least the first chapter, titled: The Inverse Power of Praise. It looks at the impact of praising process (ie good effort) versus outcome (yay you got straight A’s). The short of it is that when children are praised on the outcome, they put out less effort and take less risks – they tend to not try something if there is a chance they could fail.

A common issue I hear from parents in my counseling practice in Seattle, is that their child will give up if something doesn’t come very easily to them. If an activity/lesson/task is hard, or perceived as hard, the child might resist even trying it, or at the first sign of trouble give up completely. Unfortunately this sets up a situation where the child “feels” like they are going to be unsuccessful, and then they are unsuccessful (because they didn’t persist long enough to experience any success), which confirms their first “feeling” that they weren’t going to be successful…and makes them less likely to try the next time they “feel” like their not going to be successful – and if we are praising them on their success, then here we have little opportunity to praise them.  When we can shift our attention to the effort – to their concentration, their planning, – we help take the focus off whether they can “do it” or not, and create success around the effort. I’m not saying it is a magic bullet that over night will turn your kiddo from reserved to a risk taker, but it is an excellent place to start.